Charli Orford, Quarantine
UNE Student | The song is a parody of the musical Heathers “Seventeen”
Laura Wilcox, I Had a Dream
The words of this parody go with I’ve Got A Dream Disney’s ‘Tangled
I’ve just returned to Melbourne
I always travelled seldom
So curse my luck, along came a pandemic.
And now we’re in quarantine, circumstances unforeseen
COVID is one messed-up epidemic.
I left in January, during a heatwave,
Europe called and winter was supreme
Of course, I wanted to do Finland, and then I’d travel inland
To see the Northern Lights—that was my dream
I had a dream
I had a dream
When I saw the Lights, elation was extreme
But then I read the papers, and the news gave me the vapours
Coronavirus was gathering steam
By the time I changed my ticket
The world could really stick it
The PM said that he would close the borders
When I landed back in Oz
All I could think of was
I’d do an awful lot of mail orders
Fourteen days of isolation is quite dreary
Reading up ideas that made me scream
I ask you, how can I bake bread,
When my live yeast’s almost dead?
I hope tomorrow brings a better scheme
I had a dream (I had a dream)
I had a dream (I had a dream)
And no, it wasn’t staying home while Netflix streamed
Though my passport’s gathering dust
I won’t resort to arts and craft
I need a hobby that’s much, much better themed
Often I FaceTimed friends and family
And baking a pavlova was an aim
I had lots to read
And my backyard was one big weed
Found some Chux, then I cleaned
But my boredom intervened
And I always thought I’d like to learn some Spanish
I checked in with work, of course,
Said I was healthy as a horse
Everybody crowded Zoom so we could chatter
But suddenly I sneezed
They all thought I was diseased
Hung up so fast it was no laughing matter
I have a dream (I have a dream)
I have a dream (I have a dream)
And it’s a planet with no Microsoft Teams
Though my workplace is quite active
Paranoia’s not attractive
If only I could retire—yes, that’s the dream
I have a dream (I have a dream)
I have a dream (I have a dream)
And I have Coles Myer gift cards to redeem
It’s day fourteen
Now my quarantine has ended
I’d achieved the recommended:
A clean house and an exercise regime
I had a dream (I have a dream)
I have a dream (I have a dream)
I have a dream (I have a dream)
Yes, deep inside, I’ll always have my dreams
Yeah!
Francesca Stahlut, Graveyard Smash
UNE Staff | The words of this parody go with the Munster Theme Song
It was a graveyard smash
They all made quite a splash
It’s quite a creaky show. It’s not so scary so….
You need to hold your breath. Life is a total mess.
We drink to fun & games…
(Monsters sing ‘onwards we goooo….we gooooo………we gooo’)
Now it is time to dance. We rather love to prance.
Watussi, twist & twirl. The stomp & foxtrot hurl.
A hammer horror show. We spin & dosey doe .
It makes us hum along. It is a cracking song.
The ghouls have joined us. To the roof we go.
Tonight were putting on the ultimate show.
A jolt from the electrodes & the zombies curse.
Is like a love drug to us. Here comes the nurse.
The scene was rockin’, all were digging the sounds
We were at flashpoint and dancing in the sick old grounds.
There was no stopping such a wicked night.
We wanted to make sure everyone had a fright.
Deborah Page, Self Isolation Blues
The song is a parody of St James Infirmary Blues. Cab Calloway, 1930s
Turner Lynch, Since I’ve Been Home
The song is a parody of “since you’ve been gone” Weird Al
Since I’ve been home
Well I feel like I’ve been doing nothing at all
Since I’ve been home
It’s like I got a great big feeling of dread and turmoil
If there’s an award for procrastination
You know I would’ve won
You know I said id get so much stuff done
Since I’ve been home
(since I’ve been home)
I feel even worse the Susan law
With her council lawsuit disgrace
(since I’ve been home)
It couldn’t hurt anymore if I stopped
An F-1 racing car with my face
Since I’ve been home
Well it feels like I’m in the same clothes every day
Since I’ve been home
It’s like I got do more work with less of the play
Ever since the start of lockdown
I’ve been so miserable you see
I feel almost as bad as I did
When I was still free
Francesca Stahlut, Somebody That I Wish I Knew
UNE Staff | The words of this parody go with Somebody I used to know, Gotye
Now and then I think of when we were together
The ACE office, Black Rose and sharing those germs
Told myself this was no serious thing
A silly virus was like an office fling
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of madness
Roger’s humour & Betty with that key
To the thermostat. It’s flaming hot.
No one happy with the temp we got.
All the chatter it just drives us mad.
Now I miss it and I tell you that it makes me bloody sad.
But you didn’t need to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
Was it my pup peeing at your door?
Or gagging from the tuna that was left to stew?
Open plan is such a joy to all till
I’m home alone & going mad & feeling blue
Your friends collect your lap top and then change your number
Those Zoom meetings to a disconnected place
Talking to myselfs become the norm
I’m feeling lonesome and I’m wild & torn
I guess goodbye is all that’s left to do & the rona stops us phona one another and its now all through
Now you’re just somebody that I wish I knew
Now you’re just somebody that I wish I knew
Now you’re just somebody that I wish I knew
Mark Graham, Sittin Still
UNE Student | The song is a parody of Cold Chisel “Shippin Steel”
Check the clock now what it say
10:00 exam today+
Good to go but lost connection
3:00 and still I’m waitin’
Proctor, you is always been
Keep your face where I can see in
Patience now is what I’m needin’
I need the type that God is given
Sittin Still Sittin Still
Nobody knows the way I feel
The mouse is caught between my way and your way
Sittin Still, Sittin Still
Break
Nobody knows the way it feels
The mouse is caught between my way and your way
Sittin Steel, Sittin Steel X2
She said “give access to your files”
Of course, I did it with a smile
She put a ghost in my machine
Watch the cursor dance on screen
Online I got exam tonight
A good time slot around midnight
Set up is easy so they say
Now I gotta have a spray
Sittin Steel Sittin Steel x 2
Laura Wilcox, Remote Learning
The words of this parody go with The Big Bang Theory Theme Barenaked Ladies
Ok Year 8s, please turn your cameras on
It’s time for us to take the roll before the lesson’s too far gone
We need to make a start, I know it’s hard to be apart
Perhaps the work is getting hard
But we have Zoom (can you please mute yourselves?)
It might seem outrageous, but since COVID’s too contagious
Remote learning’s going to be fine!
So, today you’ll need your English grammar book
Since we’re starting the subjunctive—see page twenty-one, please take a look
John, what do you mean, you left your grammar book at school?
I hardly like to preach—and change your backdrop from a beach—
I don’t know how I’m meant to teach
Please raise your hands (instead of calling out)
This lesson’s quite disjointed, I’m not mad, I’m disappointed
Your work ethic’s starting to decline!
Remote learning’s meant to go fine!
Remote learning’s meant to go fine!
Well, let’s see, I’ll type and do a screen share
Can you all see what I’m doing over there?
I’m using OneNote, I’ll share it with you, but before I go
Whoever’s putting stamps on screen is really crossing the line!
Back to the grammar guide—John, you don’t need a mask inside
There’s no COVID at your place, take it off your face (please do Chapter Six)
Back into the waiting room, I don’t care you’re hating Zoom
Work hard, class, and see you next time!
You call this education? Then I need a revelation!
Remote learning’s meant to be fine!
Remote learning’s meant to be fine!